Growing up, my family didn’t put a ton of emphasis on Santa Claus during the Christmas season. I remember believing in him as a very young child, but I have no recollection of when I discovered he was not real. Clearly, it was not a traumatic or important moment, and I want the same for my own kids. I have the absolute best memories of Christmas as a child. Even without Santa, those memories are filled with traditions, excitement and plenty of Christmas magic.
Last year, when Chloe was two, I felt very stressed about how to talk about Santa with her. Like most parents, I wanted to join in the fun of reading the Santa books, making him cookies on Christmas Eve and leaving presents under the tree tagged from St. Nick. But I feared being inauthentic with her would someday lead to a difficult season in her life when she discovered we had lied to her. Eric told me I was overreacting, and in some ways I was. But it got me to thinking and I realized it’s all about how we as parents approach the idea of Santa with our kids. We want to celebrate their innocence and allow them to believe in something magical, yet be respectful and not set them up for a broken heart or mistrust in us. So how can we make this happen?
Before I get into it, I want to direct you to this article from Psychology Today written by Vanessa LoBue on the topic. If you really want to get into a bit more nitty gritty, this is a great read! She puts a positive spin on the Santa Myth and explains why most (but not all) research supports the idea that it’s not detrimental to carry on the belief in Santa with your kids. Anyway, I really enjoyed this article so I wanted to pass it along.
First off, don’t put a tremendous emphasis on Santa. By all means, read the books, watch the movies … but also talk about family, friendship, giving and most importantly, the birth of Jesus. Allow for the Christmas season to be full of joy that doesn’t just revolve around presents. As your children get older and have specific questions about Santa, tell them about the legend of St. Nicolas. Growing up, my parents had a book called “Santa, Are You for Real?” This book has been updated and it’s a wonderful story about the real St. Nick and the story behind the legend. Allow for your kids to believe in the magic of Christmas even if they are starting to realize that Santa does not exist. And if your children are very young, like my own, introduce all the wonders of Christmas, including but not limited to Santa Claus. This year, Chloe’s grandparents gave her a plush nativity set and she’s been loving learning about baby Jesus in the manger along with watching Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer! It’s all about balance 🙂
Okay, this one is probably controversial, but I feel strongly about it. Don’t use Santa (or the elf on the shelf) to parent during the month of December (or even the rest of the year!) … I think telling kids that Santa sees them and has a naughty and nice list is taking it too far. Don’t make Santa anything but fun and magical for your kids, you know? But also don’t go to great extremes to “prove” the reality of Santa IF your child is coming to question his existence. Not only does this seem like very inauthentic parenting to me, but this is the type of thing that sets your child up for major disappointment and confusion. When they’re little, leaving those cookie crumbs on the plate or letting them mail a letter is joining in the fun! But once a child is already in the questioning phase because they’re maturing, it’s important to gently guide them through that in an honest way.
If your child asks you, “Is Santa real?” Depending on their age and fragility, ask back, “What do you think?” Allow for your child to process it in their own way, and gently tell them that Santa WAS real at one time and that we enjoy celebrating him as part of the fun of Christmas.
When it comes to stuff like this, there is no true right or wrong – we already know there’s no parenting handbook! If you absolutely love focusing on Santa with your kids and it feels right to you, then keep it up! But if you’ve ever wondered about it or questioned how to do it in a respectful and authentic way like I did, then I think these tips will help. Christmas should be nothing but beautiful and magical for kids, but there’s so much more to the season than Santa.
Wishing you all a joy-filled Christmas season!
xoxo,
Heidi
I have struggled with this a bit too, but ultimately landed on the “probably won’t really hurt them” side of the fence. I’ll let you know in 4 years 😉